Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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