But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
