So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
