this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
