The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
