batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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