my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
