i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
