i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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