running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
