Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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