My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
porn star boner night. come get it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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