I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
