Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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