Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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