my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
