Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
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I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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