Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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