a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
