bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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