When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
