There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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