There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
