they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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