my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
