p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
