I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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