I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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