her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
