god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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