HIV tests are more positive than that guy
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
