you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
where are you?
Hypothermia
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
