had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
