In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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