HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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