Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
