it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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