John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
