After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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