After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
