I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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