I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
