hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
40s are totally the cure
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
