My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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