Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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