I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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