Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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