PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
