I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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