My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
