Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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