My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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