not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
