We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
