Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
