I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
