he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
