We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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