..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she smelled like a LAN party
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
