I heard we made out
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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