You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
