I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
