Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My ass is underappreciated
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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