Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
