hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
