i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
