At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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