Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
