textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
