Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
