i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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