i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
