Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
